The Day I was Reborn- As a Mother

1.15 pm. 28 April 2011. The events of the day is etched on my mind like the stories etched on stone by the cave dwellers and is as fresh as if it happened yesterday. I am super excited as well as pretty nervous. The 15 year long wait is finally over. I am pregnant at last. One more month to go and I'll be able to hold a little baby in my arms, cuddle it, love it.
I lay down on my left side in my bed with a book and stroked my belly gently. Today I was reading 'The Fountainhead' by Ann Ryand. But I was unable to concentrate. These days i was reading more for the baby growing inside me than for myself. After reading for 15 minutes, the first pangs of unease started to stab my heart. I could not feel the kicks my baby usually throws to make its presence felt. I placed my palm on my bulging belly and tried to feel my baby. Nothing!
I tried talking to it. 'Hey baby! Are you still asleep today? Don't you like this book? Please baby, wake up! Put my fears to rest!'
Still no response. This phenomenon had happened earlier also but the baby would start kicking as I talked to it. But today it was not happening. The alarm bells started ringing. I was on the verge of tears. With shaking hands I called my doctor. He could hear the panic in my voice. He tried to calm me but I was unable to listen to any voice of reason. I, forcefully pried myself from the verge of hysteria and listened to the doctor. He asked me to come over to the hospital immediately. It was almost 2.00pm and my husband was away at work. I called him up and related my situation. I could sense his concern. He immediately rushed back home and we went to the hospital. I was crying copiously and he drove on silently, immersed in his own fears for the life of our much awaited unborn one.
At the hospital, thankfully, we were not made to wait and was immediately taken to the doctor 's chambers. As he did my USG I could see that everthing was not alright. I called out to Sai Baba. I was sure he was nearby and would not let anything happen to the gift he had given us. A calmness spread over me and I knew my baby was alright. The next moment the doctor confirmed my belief. My baby was alright. Its heart was beating as strong as ever. But the problem was that, my baby had detached itself from my placenta for which it was not getting the required nutrition. This had made it weak and unable to move. This called for an emergency cesarean operation and we had no option but to go for it immediately.
A host of feelings engulfed me. I was ecstatic that I 'll be able to see and hold my baby so soon. I was frightened that I might die on the operating table. But most of all I was frightened for my baby. One and half month premature! Would it be capable of coping in this harsh world?
However the doctor assured me that they could take better care for the baby outside the womb, than inside.
So, all my plans for my newborn laid to waste, I was embarking on my new journey without any preparation ....the journey to motherhood. Husband gave me a tight hug before leaving me in the capable hands of my doctor. At the door to the OT, I turned to give my hubby a last look. I saw concern etched on his face. I smiled to reassure him that we both (his wife and still unborn baby) would be fine and waved goodbye. I did not realise it at that time, but I was looking at him as my hubby for the last time. A few hours from now, he'll always be my baby's father, more than my husband.
Inside, I was prepared for the big occasion. As I lay on the operating table, my thoughts were only on Sai. I kept chanting his prayer. It calmed me and I was no more afraid. The anesthesiologist arrived and gave me a pep talk on what he was going to do and how the anesthesia worked. I showed off a bit by talking knowledgeably about the process and the doctor was suitably impressed. A couple of minutes later my doctor and his assistant arrived. Keeping up a lively chat with me and with each other they started their job. The clock on the wall in front showed that it was now 5.45 pm. We kept chatting all the while the doctors were going through the layers and layers of fat to reach the final destination- my uterus where my baby lay so peacefully. 47 minutes later, 6.32 pm, the doctor triumphantly congratulated me on attaining motherhood.
He brought a tiny being, all covered in the red muck, towards me and I saw the small round head covered in curly black hair first. The teeny weeny red face with eyes shut tight against the harshness of the world it entered and a pert, pointed, screwed up but perfect nose tugged at my heartstrings and completely won me over. I wanted to snatch it from the doctor, hold it and clutch it to my bosom. But that was not to be for the moment. The baby needed to be taken to the NICU to be taken proper care of. It was whisked off by an efficient nurse to be cleaned and debuted to her father who was waiting anxiously outside.
It had not struck me till that moment to ask after the baby's gender......probably because I was not too concerned about it. It mattered only for the name by which it would be known to the world and i had already decided on two names. When my doctor asked me whether I wanted a male or female, I said I just wanted a healthy baby. This made the doctor smile and he announced I had borne an angel. My joy knew no bounds. All those pretty frocks and cute hair bands, sandals and cute barbie dolls danced in front of my eyes. I thanked the doctors after which they began the task of stitching me up. That took another half an hour after which my doctor adviced me to try to sleep and i was taken to the observation room where I had to stay for an hour after which i was to be taken to my cabin to be reunited with the father of my baby.
But sheer exhaustion overwhelmed me and the effects of anesthesia kicked in and i was fast asleep and remembered no more.
Yesterday, this angel, who entered my life much before her alloted time and brought so much brightness and joy to my life, completed 5 years and is continuing to enrich our lives with so much of love and laughter which I never thought was ever possible.

She Rose like the Phoenix

'Sometimes the strongest women are those who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors and fights battles that nobody knows about.'
This is a story about one such strong woman. Gayatri (Mani) Das. On her birthday, my best wishes to her and to her kindered spirit. May she live long and inspire other less stronger lives.
As a teen, she put up a poster in her room which said WHY STUDY
Father tore it up, screaming, what will you do then, you slut, you whore.
He surreptitiously followed her to college. She knew it and also knew she would be beaten up once she reached home. Defiantly she talked to the boys of her class and went out with them. She acted carefree and her batchmates thought she was too free.
She managed to put up with the verbal and physical abuse till she passed her 12th standard.
Then she rebelled.
She ran away from home. Then saw reason and went back home to endure all humiliations till she graduated.
Instead of striving to become a doctor, as her father wished, she graduated with honours in English.
Next, to get away from her father's abuses, she latched on to the first guy she met and thought she fell in love with.
But she realised too late that he was a loser. A drunk and an adulterer. She escaped her father's hell just to be sucked into another. Being pregnant she thought she could not leave him. So she again faced all the agonies her husband inflicted on her stoically and bid her time, for she was confident she would not face this till eternity. He beat her black and blue, she remained silent; he burnt black holes on her body with burning cigarettes, she put on concealers to hide the scars from the world.
He carried on extra marital affairs in front of her eyes. He even brought his girlfriends home. She put on a red lipped smile for her friends and bore on.
When she could take no more, she rebelled.
First, she completed her masters.
Then she divorced him.
Luck seemed to favour her for once. Her husband had obtained a wine shop in her name. As she did not get anything from him as alimony she fought tooth and nails to retain the ownership of the wine shop and for the custody of her 10 year old son. She won. She brought a small one room apartment for her and her son and sent him off to a boarding school in the Doars. Then she concentrated on the business.
Being a woman, she had to struggle a lot to run the business.
Her 'friends' began avoiding her and gossiped behind her back.
'She's too bold! How can a woman run such a disreputable business! She must be characterless, so her husband left her!' And so on.
The men who came to to the shop, thought her to to be easy and free. She thwarted their unwanted attention firmly and sweetly so that she did not lose clients and the men came ro admire her grit.
She carried on. She lived on.
Her business thrived.
Then, once more, romance peeked into her life, like the rays of the sun from behind a dark cloud, and she thought 'This time it's real and forever.'
She met him in her wine shop. He did not flirt with her like her regular customer and she was drawn to him by his sad eyes. They seemed to tell a similar story of physical abuse and mental torture. Soon they became friends and she learnt from him that he was married and was physically abused by his jealous and powerful wife. It seemed only natural that they fall in love.
However, life would not let her have any chance at happiness so easily.
He was not granted a divorce.
Not willing to let fate interfere in her life, she decided to go away with him and start life afresh elsewhere, unaware that life was not finished dealing with her.
She sold her business and both shifted to Delhi. She found a job for herself, while the guy whiled away his time on the sofa watching TV. He would not even do any household chores and she would have to cope with both the job and the house work.
This ultimately got to her. But she waited patiently. She applied for a work visa in Hongkong and got it. She left the looser guy and shifted to Hongkong where she works as a teacher in an elemantary school. Her son is doing great in his academics and he's now enrolled in one of the most prestigious institue in the USA.
She's free at last. She roams around the world, experiences the most thrilling adventures and is living the high life, living life according to her own terms.
She is a hero. Except for the son, all the men in her life were losers. They tried to bind her down and break her indomitable spirit. Her friends derided her and thought her promiscuos and too bold. But she did not let them break her. She lived and is living life king size.
'Like the Phoenix, she rose from the ashes of despair and soared over them'.
A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Gayatri Das.....may you reach the pinnacle and be a beacon for other kindered souls.
Disclaimer- This is the account of a real woman and I haven't been able to depict the emotions as strongly as she might have gone through. I hope she forgives me this inadequacy.