1.15 pm. 28 April 2011. The events of the day is etched on my mind like
the stories etched on stone by the cave dwellers and is as fresh as if
it happened yesterday. I am super excited as well as pretty nervous. The
15 year long wait is finally over. I am pregnant at last. One more
month to go and I'll be able to hold a little baby in my arms, cuddle
it, love it.
I lay down on my left side in my bed with a book and stroked my belly gently. Today I was reading 'The Fountainhead' by Ann Ryand. But I was unable to concentrate. These days i was reading more for the baby growing inside me than for myself. After reading for 15 minutes, the first pangs of unease started to stab my heart. I could not feel the kicks my baby usually throws to make its presence felt. I placed my palm on my bulging belly and tried to feel my baby. Nothing!
I tried talking to it. 'Hey baby! Are you still asleep today? Don't you like this book? Please baby, wake up! Put my fears to rest!'
Still no response. This phenomenon had happened earlier also but the baby would start kicking as I talked to it. But today it was not happening. The alarm bells started ringing. I was on the verge of tears. With shaking hands I called my doctor. He could hear the panic in my voice. He tried to calm me but I was unable to listen to any voice of reason. I, forcefully pried myself from the verge of hysteria and listened to the doctor. He asked me to come over to the hospital immediately. It was almost 2.00pm and my husband was away at work. I called him up and related my situation. I could sense his concern. He immediately rushed back home and we went to the hospital. I was crying copiously and he drove on silently, immersed in his own fears for the life of our much awaited unborn one.
At the hospital, thankfully, we were not made to wait and was immediately taken to the doctor 's chambers. As he did my USG I could see that everthing was not alright. I called out to Sai Baba. I was sure he was nearby and would not let anything happen to the gift he had given us. A calmness spread over me and I knew my baby was alright. The next moment the doctor confirmed my belief. My baby was alright. Its heart was beating as strong as ever. But the problem was that, my baby had detached itself from my placenta for which it was not getting the required nutrition. This had made it weak and unable to move. This called for an emergency cesarean operation and we had no option but to go for it immediately.
A host of feelings engulfed me. I was ecstatic that I 'll be able to see and hold my baby so soon. I was frightened that I might die on the operating table. But most of all I was frightened for my baby. One and half month premature! Would it be capable of coping in this harsh world?
However the doctor assured me that they could take better care for the baby outside the womb, than inside.
So, all my plans for my newborn laid to waste, I was embarking on my new journey without any preparation ....the journey to motherhood. Husband gave me a tight hug before leaving me in the capable hands of my doctor. At the door to the OT, I turned to give my hubby a last look. I saw concern etched on his face. I smiled to reassure him that we both (his wife and still unborn baby) would be fine and waved goodbye. I did not realise it at that time, but I was looking at him as my hubby for the last time. A few hours from now, he'll always be my baby's father, more than my husband.
Inside, I was prepared for the big occasion. As I lay on the operating table, my thoughts were only on Sai. I kept chanting his prayer. It calmed me and I was no more afraid. The anesthesiologist arrived and gave me a pep talk on what he was going to do and how the anesthesia worked. I showed off a bit by talking knowledgeably about the process and the doctor was suitably impressed. A couple of minutes later my doctor and his assistant arrived. Keeping up a lively chat with me and with each other they started their job. The clock on the wall in front showed that it was now 5.45 pm. We kept chatting all the while the doctors were going through the layers and layers of fat to reach the final destination- my uterus where my baby lay so peacefully. 47 minutes later, 6.32 pm, the doctor triumphantly congratulated me on attaining motherhood.
He brought a tiny being, all covered in the red muck, towards me and I saw the small round head covered in curly black hair first. The teeny weeny red face with eyes shut tight against the harshness of the world it entered and a pert, pointed, screwed up but perfect nose tugged at my heartstrings and completely won me over. I wanted to snatch it from the doctor, hold it and clutch it to my bosom. But that was not to be for the moment. The baby needed to be taken to the NICU to be taken proper care of. It was whisked off by an efficient nurse to be cleaned and debuted to her father who was waiting anxiously outside.
It had not struck me till that moment to ask after the baby's gender......probably because I was not too concerned about it. It mattered only for the name by which it would be known to the world and i had already decided on two names. When my doctor asked me whether I wanted a male or female, I said I just wanted a healthy baby. This made the doctor smile and he announced I had borne an angel. My joy knew no bounds. All those pretty frocks and cute hair bands, sandals and cute barbie dolls danced in front of my eyes. I thanked the doctors after which they began the task of stitching me up. That took another half an hour after which my doctor adviced me to try to sleep and i was taken to the observation room where I had to stay for an hour after which i was to be taken to my cabin to be reunited with the father of my baby.
But sheer exhaustion overwhelmed me and the effects of anesthesia kicked in and i was fast asleep and remembered no more.
Yesterday, this angel, who entered my life much before her alloted time and brought so much brightness and joy to my life, completed 5 years and is continuing to enrich our lives with so much of love and laughter which I never thought was ever possible.
I lay down on my left side in my bed with a book and stroked my belly gently. Today I was reading 'The Fountainhead' by Ann Ryand. But I was unable to concentrate. These days i was reading more for the baby growing inside me than for myself. After reading for 15 minutes, the first pangs of unease started to stab my heart. I could not feel the kicks my baby usually throws to make its presence felt. I placed my palm on my bulging belly and tried to feel my baby. Nothing!
I tried talking to it. 'Hey baby! Are you still asleep today? Don't you like this book? Please baby, wake up! Put my fears to rest!'
Still no response. This phenomenon had happened earlier also but the baby would start kicking as I talked to it. But today it was not happening. The alarm bells started ringing. I was on the verge of tears. With shaking hands I called my doctor. He could hear the panic in my voice. He tried to calm me but I was unable to listen to any voice of reason. I, forcefully pried myself from the verge of hysteria and listened to the doctor. He asked me to come over to the hospital immediately. It was almost 2.00pm and my husband was away at work. I called him up and related my situation. I could sense his concern. He immediately rushed back home and we went to the hospital. I was crying copiously and he drove on silently, immersed in his own fears for the life of our much awaited unborn one.
At the hospital, thankfully, we were not made to wait and was immediately taken to the doctor 's chambers. As he did my USG I could see that everthing was not alright. I called out to Sai Baba. I was sure he was nearby and would not let anything happen to the gift he had given us. A calmness spread over me and I knew my baby was alright. The next moment the doctor confirmed my belief. My baby was alright. Its heart was beating as strong as ever. But the problem was that, my baby had detached itself from my placenta for which it was not getting the required nutrition. This had made it weak and unable to move. This called for an emergency cesarean operation and we had no option but to go for it immediately.
A host of feelings engulfed me. I was ecstatic that I 'll be able to see and hold my baby so soon. I was frightened that I might die on the operating table. But most of all I was frightened for my baby. One and half month premature! Would it be capable of coping in this harsh world?
However the doctor assured me that they could take better care for the baby outside the womb, than inside.
So, all my plans for my newborn laid to waste, I was embarking on my new journey without any preparation ....the journey to motherhood. Husband gave me a tight hug before leaving me in the capable hands of my doctor. At the door to the OT, I turned to give my hubby a last look. I saw concern etched on his face. I smiled to reassure him that we both (his wife and still unborn baby) would be fine and waved goodbye. I did not realise it at that time, but I was looking at him as my hubby for the last time. A few hours from now, he'll always be my baby's father, more than my husband.
Inside, I was prepared for the big occasion. As I lay on the operating table, my thoughts were only on Sai. I kept chanting his prayer. It calmed me and I was no more afraid. The anesthesiologist arrived and gave me a pep talk on what he was going to do and how the anesthesia worked. I showed off a bit by talking knowledgeably about the process and the doctor was suitably impressed. A couple of minutes later my doctor and his assistant arrived. Keeping up a lively chat with me and with each other they started their job. The clock on the wall in front showed that it was now 5.45 pm. We kept chatting all the while the doctors were going through the layers and layers of fat to reach the final destination- my uterus where my baby lay so peacefully. 47 minutes later, 6.32 pm, the doctor triumphantly congratulated me on attaining motherhood.
He brought a tiny being, all covered in the red muck, towards me and I saw the small round head covered in curly black hair first. The teeny weeny red face with eyes shut tight against the harshness of the world it entered and a pert, pointed, screwed up but perfect nose tugged at my heartstrings and completely won me over. I wanted to snatch it from the doctor, hold it and clutch it to my bosom. But that was not to be for the moment. The baby needed to be taken to the NICU to be taken proper care of. It was whisked off by an efficient nurse to be cleaned and debuted to her father who was waiting anxiously outside.
It had not struck me till that moment to ask after the baby's gender......probably because I was not too concerned about it. It mattered only for the name by which it would be known to the world and i had already decided on two names. When my doctor asked me whether I wanted a male or female, I said I just wanted a healthy baby. This made the doctor smile and he announced I had borne an angel. My joy knew no bounds. All those pretty frocks and cute hair bands, sandals and cute barbie dolls danced in front of my eyes. I thanked the doctors after which they began the task of stitching me up. That took another half an hour after which my doctor adviced me to try to sleep and i was taken to the observation room where I had to stay for an hour after which i was to be taken to my cabin to be reunited with the father of my baby.
But sheer exhaustion overwhelmed me and the effects of anesthesia kicked in and i was fast asleep and remembered no more.
Yesterday, this angel, who entered my life much before her alloted time and brought so much brightness and joy to my life, completed 5 years and is continuing to enrich our lives with so much of love and laughter which I never thought was ever possible.
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